I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
