Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize