i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
