you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
