My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
