i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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