everyone is single if you try hard enough
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
