My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
