All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
