If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
