On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
