turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize