Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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