I can tuck mytits in my pants
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
