meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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