dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
