Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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