Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
