Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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