What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
