Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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