my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
