u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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