jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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