I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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