I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
