he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
