R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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