If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
