Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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