woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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