My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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