I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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