Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Still dying that you shit outside
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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