It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
