Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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