I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
