her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
