i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
