who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
