They should really pass out barf bags in church
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
