i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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