We're facebook friends in real life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
