I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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