Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
