even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
