There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize