Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
organizing the empties. That sober.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
