Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
