A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
