Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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