Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
