I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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