Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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