yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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