How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
