I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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