youre lurking in front of me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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