we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do vagina's smell?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
