Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
