i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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