What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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