btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize