I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
3 2 1 whiskey
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
