I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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