I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize