it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
