I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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