hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
