He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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