pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
