He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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